Posted by: ImpendingDawn | June 24, 2010

Graduation… and other mundane things.

I was looking though some Facebook photos I have from high school, and it appears that my high experience has been nothing but fantastic; all the pictures are filled with numerous friends and tons of fun. Yes, I made quite a few friends, and yes I had some fun. But, because we don’t generally take pictures of fights between friends, dismal grades, and nights spent in tears, many of my high school experiences remain undocumented.

This fact is something I must remind myself of, lest I become one of those constantly weepy people who spend all of their days reminiscing about “the best years of our lives.” Tomorrow is my last diploma, and it is time that I leave this part of my life and MOVE ON TO BIGGER AND BETTER THINGS.

Ah, yes, “better”. That is indeed what I am hoping for. However, I have recently noticed some alarming changes in how I conduct myself. My language has been FOUL. I’m fairly certain that I have sworn more in these past two months than I have in my entire life combined. “Swearing?” you think. “That’s not that bad!” Perhaps not, but at one point in my life I was revolted by a profane word flashing through my head; in the past week, I have sworn in front of not only my best friend’s dad – which was bad enough – but my own mother. Yeah.

Probably the worst part is that I can’t bring myself to care.

Well, obviously I care at least a little, because I’m writing about it. But I don’t care enough to change my actions. Moreover, I will not talk to God. I just won’t. My Bible is still read every night, but I don’t pray beforehand and afterward like I used to. I don’t reflect on the passages and see how they can be applied to my life. In fact, it appears that I’m rejecting many of the principles entirely. (This could also be due to the fact that I am in the midst of reading several boring chapters of the Old Testament. I’m not really planning on sacrificing some bulls anytime soon, so the procedures people were required to follow for such things do not really apply to me.)

Am I mad at God? Maybe. Am I doubting? Probably. What should I do about it? I don’t know.

So, “better” seems a long ways away.

Nevertheless, I feel excited about the changes in my life. Despite everything, I still believe deep down that I have a plan and a purpose for my life. All that remains is to find it.

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