Posted by: ImpendingDawn | November 22, 2010

Baby Steps

Father, Father, please set me free.

Lately, my life can be described by any number of clichés. I’ve been stuck in a rut. Travelling in circles. Praying to the porcelain god… wait, not that one.

ANYWAY. The point is that I keep falling into the same traps. I hate myself for my imperfections, yet I take some sort of sick glee in flaunting them. I long for a relationship with God, yet I take every effort to avoid Him.  Deep down, I know I need Him to heal my wounds, but I keep trying to fix myself a least a little bit – make myself presentable, I suppose – before calling for His help. Somewhere along the line I’ve lost sight of one of the first lessons I learned: Jesus loves me. He wants to be with me, to help me where I am. He doesn’t need me to “fix myself” beforehand. In fact, He doesn’t want me to.

Jesus Christ, my King, my savior, the Creator of the entire UNIVERSE wants to help me. Now. Broken, hurting, doubting, imperfect me.

While at work the other day, I saw a man offer to help a lady – a stranger – load her heavy purchases into her vehicle. Later that same day, an acquaintance gave me 50 cents so I could buy a coffee in the break room. Such small gestures, but they made me happy. They gave me hope.

Maybe I can learn something from that. Small gestures. Baby steps. If I take it slowly, maybe I can finally rebuild my relationship with God.

The darkness came. The light fought through. Mercy is all, I ask of you.

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