Posted by: ImpendingDawn | December 12, 2010

Lost and Ungrateful

Lord, if I can’t die, teach me how to live.

For months I’ve been praying for God to allow me to die. Simply, quietly, with as little fuss as possible. Like slipping out of a crowded room.

I just feel like I’m a terrible burden to everyone around me. And I’m tired of God trying to reach out to me. Can’t He see that I’m beyond help? Why does He keep wasting His time?

The world would be so much better off without me.

Apparently, however, God doesn’t agree. I’ve not been hit by a vehicle, had opportunity to leap in front of a bullet to save someone else, or been afflicted with a debilitating disease.

So I guess I’m stuck here for now. And if I must live, I suppose I should make the most of it.

One problem.

It seems I don’t know how.

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