Posted by: ImpendingDawn | January 3, 2011

The Most Cliche

So it’s January, and you know what that means…. NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS!!!!

1. Rebuild my relationship with Jesus.
Let’s just get our priorities straight right up front. I’ve logged years of hurt and resentment towards Him, and shame has been allowed to prevent me from working through that. Carefully blocking out worship, daydreaming through church, and avoiding spiritual discussion at all costs have become my customs. I need to come to terms with the fact that I’m basically sabotaging myself through such actions, and work at becoming more open to God.

2. Read the Bible every day.
Last year I made the same resolution. I did well for a couple of months, and I could see the positive difference such a small step was making in my life. Then I began missing a few days here and there, then a few days in a row, then an entire week. Finally I became discouraged and allowed my lack of motivation to dictate my actions, and now I can honestly say I have not read my Bible in at least six months. Not good. This year will be different.

3. Clean up my language.
I’m not going to attempt to quit swearing altogether; I believe that – in the right context – profanity can be utilized to prove a point or express yourself more effectively than plain English. Also, a choice word here and there can be pretty darn hilarious. However, foul language is rapidly assimilating itself into my everyday conversations, and that is definitely something I can stand to work on.

4. Get help for depression and cutting.
I’m not going to lie, this one nearly didn’t make it onto the list. Even though these issues are clearly preventing my from living life to the fullest, the thought of confronting them is simply terrifying. Also, this resolution is extremely open-ended. I’m not sure what exactly I will need to do… Therapy, becoming more open with others, asking for prayer, prayer itself, more writing, decreasing opportunities for self-harm by keeping my nails trimmed and ridding my room and bathroom of sharp objects..? Who knows. What I do know is that what I’ve been trying so far (which honestly doesn’t amount to much) hasn’t been helping. It’s time. I need help.

I’ll be honest, I’m just like everyone else when it comes to resolutions: I get excited because it’s a new year and “this time will be different!” I write down numerous goals and actually keep them for a few months. I pat myself on the back because I’m doing well.

And then I fail.

So this year, I’m going to try something a little different. In light of the fact that I now have this blog as a writing outlet, I’m committing to writing a new post at the beginning of each month in which I will review my goals and examine my progress. If I’m having a particularly difficult time with a certain resolution, I will write it down and try to figure out the reasons for the difficulties and come up with ideas to improve in the coming month. So there we are.

Super cliché resolution post? Complete.

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