Posted by: ImpendingDawn | April 3, 2011

MEANINGLESS EMO DRIVEL? NO. FILLED WITH WAY TOO MANY CAPITAL LETTERS? YES.

It’s April! The month of new grass and tulips and… puddles! It would be lovely if my country understood that. I JUST WANT TO FEEL SUNSHINE ON MY FACE AND SEE SOMETHING OTHER THAN ENDLESS SNOW.

I definitely look like this in real life.

So. Resolutions.

1. Rebuild my relationship with Jesus.

I’m praying more. And worshiping more. It’s really difficult for me to be close to God though. I feel like such a miserable failure that I would much rather avoid him entirely in some sort of irrational effort to keep Him ignorant of what a mess I’ve become. Eh. ALSO I REREAD THAT SENTENCE AND DON’T THINK IT MADE MUCH SENSE BUT OH WELL. DEAL WITH IT, BITCHES.

2. Read the Bible every day.

Well, I haven’t been reading the BIBLE every day. Bible verses, yes. So YAY ME!

3. Clean up my language.

Ha!

4. Get help for depression and cutting.

I made it through the entire month of March without cutting once. HECK YES. I did scratch myself three times, which I’m not proud of, but they were pretty light. I’d say it was better to do that than to go insane and slice my arms up with a razor blade because I couldn’t handle quitting completely yet.

In my last post, I was in a very dark place. April 1st couldn’t come fast enough; all I wanted to do was finally release all my pent-up emotions by creating new scars all over my body. Well, it’s April 3rd now. Still cut-free, and not feeling suicidal or even depressed at the moment. I’d say that’s some progress =)

Side note: My posts on here are becoming meaningless emo drivel again and I’M TIRED OF IT. It used to take me hours to write a new post, and now it only takes a few minutes. Not surprisingly, the quality of writing has taken a major beating. I would really like to work on that and hopefully put out some better posts in the future. Resolution #5 maybe? Hehe.

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