Posted by: ImpendingDawn | July 19, 2011

The Joys of Having Two Best Friends and Being In Love With One of Them

She’s been by my side for over four years. We weren’t close at first… In fact, she thought I was younger than her because I always hung out with her sister; I was merely avoiding her because she terrified me. However, we slowly bonded due to a baptismal class, several family friends, and a mutual love of Timmy’s coffee. And now we have the kind of friendship I thought only existed in movies. We can have full conversations with only a few words. We can laugh together, cry together (as long as we’re not looking at each other) and neither of us is afraid to mention it when the other one is acting like a moron. We’ve got a good thing going on.

He was my friend for two years and we’ve been together for nearly one. There was a nearly immediate attraction on both our parts, but it went unspoken. Due to our mutual ignorance, there were a lot of ups and downs in our friendship.

Both of us: Wow, I like this person.
Him: I don’t have a chance. I’m going to let this go.
Me: He doesn’t seem interested. I didn’t have a chance anyway.
*we get involved with other people*
*our friendship suffers*

And on and on and on. Though, to be fair, we had a chance to be together and I completely botched it and told him “I just wanted to be friends.” *facepalm* Oh well. In any case, we grew very close in the months before we started dating. Our relationship has been built on mutual love and trust, and I couldn’t be happier with him. We’ve also got a good thing going on.

DILEMMA: I am one person who has been blessed with not one, but TWO best friends. How I managed that, I have no idea. And how I’m going to manage that in the future is also a mystery to me.

It is no longer her and I against the world. She doesn’t automatically have first dibs on my free time anymore, and my free time is grower more and more scarce. Add in conflicting work schedules and you’ve got an interesting problem. Not to mention the fact that he doesn’t live with his parents anymore and so can be out at all times of the night, while she has a strict curfew that comes into effect half an hour after I get off work.

We used to see each other every Sunday for church and every Friday for youth, and during school we had our Wednesday Night Phone Calls where we’d catch each other up on the week so far, vent about our recent frustrations, and just basically chat about any random thing that popped into our heads. Then our schedules changed, so we adapted and set up Thursday Therapy, so named because we had been talking at the time about the lack of affection in my relationship with my brother. (I am happy to report that our relationship is now much healthier and we actually hug each other several times a week. Just saying.)

And now I work full time evenings and weekends and she works full time days. We stopped attending youth when we graduated high school. We don’t have a set day to chat, and we rarely even talk on the phone anymore due to recently acquired cell phones and the novelty of texting. I also don’t regularly attend our old church, as I felt it wasn’t filling my spiritual needs anymore. Let’s face it, I only go there now for the social aspects. Although it is amazing to have friends in your place of worship, social interaction shouldn’t be the only reason you’re still attending a particular church. 

So I see her less, and him more. And that makes me feel guilty, and I hate guilt, so I run even farther away from her.

I really don’t know how someone who is used to running away rather than getting close ever managed to form friendships with two of the most wonderful people in the world… Maybe I’ll never know. But they’re in my life for a reason, and I’m going to do my best to keep them there. Maybe I’m not in love with her, but I do still love her. And maybe the “joy” part of the title was mostly sarcastic, but perhaps that’s my problem; I’m taking them for granted and focusing on the less pleasant parts of trying to split time between two extremely important people, rather than the fact that I have these amazing friends in the first place.

So I have two best friends and I’m in love with one of them. So life is complicated and time never seems enough. So what? They’re worth it. *cue L’oreal commercial music*



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