Posted by: ImpendingDawn | July 21, 2011

Things That Should NEVER be Posted on Facebook

Constant Complaining
Blah blah blah, I have no friends, my life sucks, and I’m going to burden everyone on Facebook with my constant updates about how much my life sucks and how badly I need friends.

Quit complaining, get off the damn computer, and MAKE SOME. And FYI, you probably do or did have friends, but your terrible attitude is driving them away. Either change something or accept your “awful” life. Sheesh.

Relationship Details
My life revolves around my significant other and how much I love, hate, or am attracted to him/her at this point in time. 

It’s fine to post cute statuses and wall posts every once in a while. Whatever. It is NOT fine to post details about your sex life, or your most recent argument. Nobody else needs to know, and it’s probably just going to make the situation worse.

Neverending Drunken Posts
Nothing in my life matters except when and where I’ll be drinking, possible updates while drinking, complaints about the ensuing hangover from excessive drinking, and plans for the next time I’ll be drinking.

Okay. PLEASE get a life. Or set up a meeting to talk about your alcoholism. And if you can’t do that, get the heck off Facebook. A couple drunken updates are funny, and it’s perfectly normal to make plans over Facebook every once in a while. BUT MODERATION IS A GOOD THING. Both on Facebook and off. *hint hint*

Inconsequential Updates
I’m either extremely conceited and think that everybody needs to know all of the lame things I’m doing all day, or my life is simply so boring that I have nothing to talk about except laundry and cleaning the house.

GET A TWITTER. ’nuff said.

The next three are similar and I’ve ranked them in terms of personal annoyance.

1. Vague Speculation
“Not sure if I made the right decision…”

Maybe, maybe not, blah blah blah. SHUT UP. Nobody cares.

2. Anonymous Anger
“I thought you were my friend, but I guess you proved me wrong!” 

Umm… Passive aggressive much? Either talk to the person directly, or find a less retarded way of getting your anger out. Like… writing in a blog… Heh.

3. Anonymous Gushing
“Omg, boy, you’re SO CUTE.”

What are you, twelve? Be quiet. If you really want to gush, keep it to your inner circle of squealing little friends. Gah.

So there you have it! I did want to post word for word status updates from some of my Facebook friends, but figured that would be a bit too personal… and mean… But I have honestly seen these kind of updates on my Facebook. Please, for the love of all that is decent, GROW UP. This isn’t Nexopia, people.



  1. 1) I read this in your voice. Highly amusing.
    2) I agree.
    3) Check out my latest status update looolllllll

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